What is anger? How to beat anger…

Generally it seems that getting angry only makes things worse so why do people get angry?

Anger is a normal emotion with a wide range of intensity, from mild irritation and frustration to rage. It is a reaction to a perceived threat to ourselves, our loved ones, our property, our self-image, or some part of our identity. Anger is a warning bell that tells us that something is wrong. How to beat anger.

The first response is the physical reactions, the heart quickens, blood pressure rises and muscles tighten, this is what is commonly known as the fight or flight response.

Next is how we perceive and think about what is making us angry.  This is our cognitive response. For example, we might think something that happened to us is wrong, unfair, and undeserved.

Finally is our behaviour and how we display our anger, raised voices, red face, slam doors, storm away.  We display or tell others of our anger, we may request for things to change, some apologise others need some time out.

Pre-empt anger…

The best way of dealing with any anger habit is to prevent it occurring in the first place.

This means getting to know the triggers that  provoke your angry feelings and systematically defusing each of these triggers so they no longer affect you.

Remind yourself of 4 facts.

You can not and have no right to change people, you can not win every argument or every I’m right you are wrong battle.

You like every other human are fallible, you like others will say and do inappropriate things.  Accept this and do feed the negatives and harbour grudges.

Getting angry causes you more harm than others, it affects your mental well-being, peace of mind and relationships.

Without your cooperation nobody or nothing can make you angry, they can not get inside your brain and trigger those thoughts only you can do this.

Find your anger triggers…

We all have differing triggers for our anger, a trigger is the reaction in your brain that runs your let’s get angry program.  Developing your skills to recognise these triggers is important it is also liberating.

Keep a personal diary over the coming weeks and recognise and note your personal anger triggers.

Rate your triggers…

When you compiled a list of your triggers over a few weeks begin to rate them on a scale of one to ten, one being how was this even a trigger to ten being it is the four-horse men of the apocalypse coming over the hill.

Rationalise your triggers…

When you have listed and rated your triggers take a piece of paper draw a line down the centre put the trigger on one side and then on the opposite side write down the meanings for those triggers.  Start the paper on your scale of ones and work up to your scale of tens.  Once you put things down on paper some of it will start to look very silly to you and you are well on your way to controlling those moods.  Many will still be active triggers, triggers are an emotional response not a rational reaction.

Focus trigger…

Each week focus on one of your triggers, begin by choosing a trigger in the 4-5 range on your scale.  Write down this trigger on a card or do it as a note on your smart phone or tablet, from your above lists write these down in one column, in the other column write down the cost of being a victim of these triggers to you.

One  example,  what it costs you when you get angry because your children didn’t clean their rooms? Your peace of mind is shot for hours after the argument. They sulk for hours – could be days if they are teenagers. Perhaps you and your partner argue over it at all. And so the list goes on.  From this write down better ways to deal with the situation rather than letting those anger triggers take hold.

Use the focus trigger card…

Every time your focus trigger is activated think in that moment “This trigger will not get the better of me” “This is no longer acceptable to me”  Use some of the calming methods on the site, be mindful and take a few deep breaths to centre you and your thoughts.

Using the above methods and focusing on one trigger a week you will soon realise that you can control them and not them you, you and others will soon see the benefits of these actions. How to beat anger.

 

 

 

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